It has taken me years to realize the reality of the amount of fear in my life. When I look back over my life I was constantly afraid as a very small child because my father was an heroin addict and was very abusive. He was verbally, mentally and physically abusive to my entire family.
Growing up I was the chubby rarity in my family so I was often the topic of critical conversation and bullied all the time. This treatment by my family and loved ones continued into my twenties and didn’t really stop until later in my life. I was greatly affected by the treatment and I remember going through high school and college walking with my head down trying not to be seen. I was afraid to attract any attention to myself because I didn’t want to be picked on.
The guy that I was absolutely in love with in high school, I was too afraid to let him know how I felt. He was so sweet and attentive to me but I just couldn’t reciprocate because of fear of rejection. I chose my abusive ex-husband because I thought I couldn’t do any better, I’d been told one too many times that no one could love me.
In my mid-twenties I joined a religious cult. I was always in fear because I never thought I was doing enough to please God and I was going to hell. I allowed my fear to control my actions and behavior so I was never really comfortable and freely able to serve God. I stayed with my abusive ex-husband because I was afraid to be alone. I could go on and on. I have just allowed fear to have entirely too much control in my life. I was being taught better, well sorta, but I never really applied the teaching to my life and service to God. 2 Timothy 1:7 KJV, For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
Today I still struggle with my fears and overcoming them. I do fight back now and I use God’s word as a weapon in my battles. Deuteronomy 31:6 KJV, Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. I know God’s got my back and I have to have faith in that and believe that everything will be alright. Psalms 188:6 KJV, Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
Ordained Christian Minister