Why I Left


If you’ve ever been in a bad or abusive relationship you’ve probably been asked by family and or friends why haven’t you left yet?  I was with my ex-husband for a total of 13+ years.  The first 3 years with him was before we were married.  I should have left long before I married him. Let me just say, I should have Never married that man!  I simply didn’t think I could do better, I thought I would never find someone who could love me.  So I settled.  Yes, I said I settled and I did.  I settled for someone that didn’t love himself, how could he possibly love me? (Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.  Colossians 3:19 NKJV ) I settled for verbal and mental abuse that years later escalated into and included marital rape.  I settled because I didn’t love myself.  I didn’t make myself a priority and I certainly didn’t put myself first.

I endured years of abuse and betrayal.  He basically tore me down to build himself up.  Why bother to work on himself or improve himself? It’s much easier to make your wife feel worthless so he didn’t have to do better.  I have been divorced 16 years and my ex-husband is still trying to find and connect with me.  I put up with years of his stalking me and after years of being free of any contact with him, he found me on Facebook last year.  That account has been deleted.  Time for him to leave me alone.  I don’t want to be bothered, that’s all I have to say.

Why I left?  I finally got tired.  I stopped believing that he wanted to or would change.  His touch made my skin crawl. I began to fantasize about poisoning him.  Probably not an good idea to abuse the person that prepares your meals everyday!  I was the, I’m done tired!  I left.  It wasn’t an easy or smooth journey but I made it!  I’m here today a much better person.  I have a degree that I know I would have never gotten while I was with him.  I’m an Ordained Minister and I have this Blog.  These 3 things would not have happened as long as I was with my ex-husband.  Growth was smothered in my marriage, I was forever fighting to be free in spirit and body.  I left because I loved God and myself more than I loved him.  God gave me that much strength to walk away.  My ex-husband didn’t make it easy but I’m free!  I left so I could once again be me!  I’m a new and much improved me by the way.  I’m a work in progress but God knows and gives the increase.

Today I’m just happy that, I left!

Brenda

May God Prosper You, 3 John 1:2

 

 

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